Oh, hey!! It’s me, Karlee. Remember me? We worked up this little place on the internet for my thoughts on life almost exactly a year ago, and then all of a sudden, it seemed like everything normal wasn’t anymore. The world felt large and united for a minute as we all joined together to fight a virus, and then it started to feel small and suffocating as we all fought each other over all the extreme and big things that began to happen.
Through this all, I have felt on edge with all of the anger and madness that was going on. I felt like I needed my life to be smaller, not so much out of fear of the virus, but because of the fear of being misunderstood or judged. Like outside of my walls there was a different expectation of me than in my walls. In my home I can be me, with family and close friends, I can be me, but take me outside of my well crafted circle, and I haven’t felt quite as safe to be me, to use my words.
My feelings didn’t feel as big as others
Outside of my walls, I felt like I had to make a stand for something that I didn’t feel as strongly about as others. Honestly, I have felt more in the middle of a lot of things, but unable to say anything, because my feelings aren’t as big as others. I felt like just by what I wore or didn’t wear, people were able to assume something about me. By what I said or didn’t say, people were able to assume something about me. By where I went or didn’t go, people were able to assume something about me. I couldn’t be me, because the me that I am didn’t agree with any of the loudest voices, so I just allowed my voice to be drowned out by the really loud ones.
I’m thinking maybe i’m not as alone as i felt
So, here I am. I am taking my little space back. I’m taking my voice back. And I promise that my voice will be one that speaks life. My voice will be one that points you to Jesus. My voice will be one that points you to peace. That maybe helps you catch your breath in between the everyday life things that we all have going on and the big, huge concerns that we all have about what is going on outside in the big, big world.
In my space, I am going to be talking about the fruit of the spirit soon. I am going to tell you about all of the podcasts that I have been listening to. I am going to tell you about the songs that bring tears to my eyes. Because I feel like we all need hope. We all need Jesus. We all need to keep on growing in our walk with Jesus and others.
So follow me, because I promise, I will always try to point you to Jesus, the one who brings me life.
So glad you are back in this space! Love your voice, my friend!
OH. MY. WORD! I love this woman!
Your post is very relatable to how I’ve felt since the start of the pandemic . The last 8 months have brought unpredictable trials to my life and I’ve fought hard to keep fixated on Jesus, the only constant in my life. I will read your blog because it brings me peace and you are, may I add, a fantastic writer! Keep shining!
This reminds me of myself. I’ve slowly been coming out for what is right and true in Gods eyes. It’s freeing and I’ve been noticing people actually listening. God bless you Kar. Love you.